Confessions

I have a temper with a short fuse and I will be the first to admit it.  We were having a good, happy morning and then I did some laundry and some clothes were caught and tangled in the washing machine which made them difficult to get out.  That irritated me.  Then I asked Atreyu over and over what he wanted for breakfast and he finally said he wanted Cheerios.  I again was irritated that he took so long to answer me.  I then got him an orange to eat as well and he kept refusing and I lost it.  I started yelling at him and telling him to stop whining and to listen when I talk to him.  I just got so upset and it made him cry.  I always feel terrible when I yell at him but I have the worst self-control sometimes.  After I calmed down I told him I was sorry and I hugged and loved him but I still felt terrible.  I know no one is perfect but I also know I need to try harder to be patient and calm with my kids.  I don't want them to have bad memories of their mom yelling at them.

After cuddling him for a bit, Atreyu wanted to watch a movie so I turned one on for him and started looking at some of the blogs I follow.  One of them shared a link to a blog that tells the story of a little toddler who fell in a washing machine and drowned.  Anytime I read stories like these I bawl and my heart hurts for the families.  I can't even imagine the horror that I would feel if it were to happen to me.  The stories make me feel even worse about the times when I lose control and get so upset.  I love my kids so much and I can't even imagine my life without them.  When I'm upset I know I just need to take a moment and remember how blessed I am to be the mother of these sweet spirits.  I am the luckiest girl in the world to have the kids I have and I wouldn't trade them for anything.  I know, however, that I need to live in such a way that I deserve to be their mother.  I am setting a goal right now to be more patient and that when I feel I am going to do something I later regret I will instead take a step back and calm down.  I want to be the mother my children deserve and I want to be a good example to them.