Having Children

Before we had kids and even when we just had Atreyu, people would ask me how many kids I wanted and my answer was usually four.  Now that I have two kids, I honestly don't know if I want anymore or not.  I definitely do not want another baby right now.  It is possible that I will change my mind in the future but at this time, I am completely content and happy with my little boy and girl.  I think if I had had two babies of the same gender I might feel differently but since I have one of each, I don't need to try for one or the other. 

When I tell people I may only want two children, many of them don't believe me.  There are a few reasons I feel the way I do.  With Jesse's job, he isn't home a lot to help with the kids so I pretty much do everything for both of them and I don't know if I want to add another person to it.  I think about sending the kids to college and on missions and I know if we have more children it will make such things more difficult.  When I was growing up, we had the things we needed but we couldn't afford a lot of extras.  I want my kids to have some of the extras and I know we will be more likely to be able to provide those things with less children.

Cambria has been a much more needy baby than Atreyu was and I don't know if I could handle another one.  I am not the most patient person and my patience is tested a lot with the two babies I already have.  The other day, I watched one of my neighbor's kids and then some other kids came over as well.  There were four extra kids here and they weren't bad or misbehaving but there was constant noise and always something going on.  By the end of the day, I was completely worn out and I really don't want to feel like that everyday.

I love my kids so much!  They are my life and I would do anything for them.  I know that being a mother is the greatest blessing I will ever receive.  I am so happy right now and I feel that our lives' are complete.  I just want to be the best mother that I can be and honestly I feel, at this time anyway, that I will be the best mother I can with less children.