Feelings

I have felt kind of down a bit recently.  It's not depression...just the blues I suppose.  I have really good days and then I have some others where I just don't feel as happy as I would like.  I think I try to blame a lot of it on Jesse and the fact that he has so many hobbies that he likes to do which take him away from us more than I would like.  I think that is a contributing factor but in no way does my problem rest on his shoulders.  All my life I have wanted to be a wife and a mother and I absolutely love that that dream came true.  I really don't have any hobbies and I feel that I am just kind of a boring person.  I am starting to realize that if I want to be the wife and mother that I have always wanted to be, I need to make more time for myself and doing things I enjoy.

I have been on Pinterest a lot lately and I have found a lot of different projects I would like to try.  I have been getting ideas for when we build on someday and I am enjoying it so much.  Anytime I do a craft, I just love that I have created something.  I am going to try to make the time for myself and do some more crafty things.  I enjoy sewing and now that I have my sewing machine I don't have an excuse not to use it. 

I have also made a goal to read my scriptures and say my prayers everyday and I have been doing pretty well.  I know that when I do those things I feel better about myself and I can truly feel the love my Father in Heaven has for me.  I know that He has blessed me with so much.  I have a husband who I love so very much.  I think I sometimes let other things get in the way so I don't show him how much I do truly love him.  He is such a good provider for our family and I thank my Heavenly Father everyday that I have been blessed with him.  I know that we have things in our relationship that we both need to work on but I wouldn't trade him for anyone else in the world.

I have been blessed with two beautiful children who make me both so happy and so frustrated.  They are constantly showing their love for me and those moments help me to get through the not as good ones.  I get more upset with them than I should and every time I do it I want to kick myself.  I think about how much I love them and I know that our Heavenly Father loves them even more.  I can't comprehend it but that knowledge makes me want to work harder at being a better mother for them; a mother they deserve and need.

I have been blessed with so much.  Jesse and I have been in our own home for over eight years.  Not many 29 year olds can say that.  If we really buckle down, we could probably pay our house off in five years or less.  That is such an amazing gift we have been given and I take our home for granted quite often.  I'm constantly wishing it was bigger or that we had this or that when I really need to be grateful just to have a home. 

To sum up, I have been feeling sorry for myself lately but when I take a moment to step back and see all the things I have been blessed with, I know that I am just being selfish and childish.  I need to take time for myself but I also need to be serving others and counting my blessings.